Non-Jews are for practice
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this boner is exhausting
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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