Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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