The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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