You can't special order awesome
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
