he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
