I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
