I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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