Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
