I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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