we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
