On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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