you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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