Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
