an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
