There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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