We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
