Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
