that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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