i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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