I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
