i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
