He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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