great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
