Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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