Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
