I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
