I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
