im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
