She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ruined the universe
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
