In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
