Non-Jews are for practice
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
