I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
