I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
