so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
