Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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