Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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