It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
