i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
