She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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