Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
