You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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