Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
