AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
