I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
