i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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