If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I currently don't understand fingers.
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