I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
