HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
