I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
