How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
