he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
