Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
