Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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