I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
