Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
